Humour & Jokes
If a single teacher can’t teach us all subjects, then how can you expect a student to learn all of them?
One day a physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask:
“Why do we have to learn this stuff?”
“To save lives,” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
“So, how does physics save lives?” he persisted.
It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school,” replied the professor.
Professor, what do you say when you meet your students, who have graduated from university?”
“Big Mac and Diet Cola, please.”
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
“I pray for a new bicycle… I pray for a new PS…”
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said: “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”
To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”
An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
“How did that happen?” gasped her mother.
“It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.”
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”
Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own business!”
“I can’t understand how it’s possible for one person to make such a lot of mistakes in a short essay?” a teacher asked.
“It isn’t one person, miss, my father helped me,” Mary answered
Two kids are talking. “My dad works twelve hours a day so that I can have a comfortable home and decent clothes. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. However, I cannot relax from all the worry.”
“But you are living a fairy-tale life! What are you so worried about?”
“Well, what if they try to escape?”
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Mom, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, John, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
John: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent. His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house.
“This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room … “
“And what are this hammer and this pot that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?” one of his colleagues asked.
“This is a talking clock.”
“I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?”
“Sure. Look,” the student said. He took the hammer and struck at the pot with all his strength.
Then a voice was heard from the other side, “What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you are idiot!”
A young man stands at border control.
An officer asks him: Any drugs, alcohol?”
The young man: “No thanks, I’ve got everything”
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
“The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?”
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”
“Dad, would you like to save some money?” the son asked the father.
“I certainly would, son. Any suggestions?” answered father.
“Sure. Why not buy me a car, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast.”
After studying at University a youth delivered a pizza to a house, and a man asked, “What is the usual tip?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get $1 out of you, I’ll be doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted the man. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my budget.”
“What are you studying?” asked the man.
The youth smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”
“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?”
“One dollar.” answered little Bobby.
“You don’t know your basic maths.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Bobby shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat.
Father Mouse jumped and said, “Bow-wow! The cat ran away.
“What was that Father?” asked Baby Mouse.
“Well, son, that’s why it is important to learn a second language.”
A girl came home after school and showed her mom her test score.
Mom: “Why is your test score so low?”
Daughter: “Because of absence.”
Mom: “You were absent?”
Daughter: “No, the girl next to me was.”
Physics teacher: “Issac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”
Did you find mistakes?
Please feel free to relay your comments, suggestions or corrections, in case of omission or mistake.